Brain log #1

Today's thoughts...

I hate the woman in charge of my final year project...

I hate my final year project...

I miss chilling,

(though it's been the activity of choice lately)

Chalets are tiring,

require tons of work,

and somehow I end up in the thick of things.

I need new T-shirts...

which shouldn't be a problem if I get paid,

but I'm not getting paid til the end of the month.

(then again I haven't worked much)

I need to get my hair done.

(refer to financial status above)

I'm plannin on a chalet with Roxx

(again, see above)

I know what I want but I just wish my head would not get in the way. I know all the reasons why I shouldnt and all the reasons it won't work. I know why I myself wish it wasnt but why then do I want to remember all the small details. Why do i want to see him smile at me and hear his voice on the phone. He is the only one I cry for. His is the only "i love you" that means anything to me and the only one who still has my heart.

I remember. His and no one elses.

Everybody does it...

It's just that nobody talks about it.

Human beings are in general, a selfish bunch. When faced with choices, especially those of the heart, how often do we try to make things work in our favour.

I now have trust issues. There is no easy way to find the truth or to choose who to believe. As much as I try, there are times where I wish I could be that fly on the wall. To know what really went on behind my back. My gut points in one direction and as much as I know I'm right, there is no sure way to prove it. All I know is, that things always go wrong when a guy is involved.

I think something in me has snapped or changed or somthing like that. I somehow see things differently, and the way I deal with things, seems unusual to me.

He's not the kind of guy I would ever have chosen, nor is he my usual type, but there is just something about the way he makes me smile. That and he's sweet. So that settles it then.

i miss u...